December 23, 2000
Greetings Accumulators!
Who convinced us that this would be fun? That signing, addressing and
mailing endless cards; wrapping and labelling mountains of gifts; cooking
and decorating until you drop - would bring us joy? Why, it was the retail
operators and their evil henchmen, the advertising executives, of couse!
Lucky for them I'm a staunch supporter of the First Amendment, or I might
be making an unsavory suggestion or two here. I'm on deadline for a book
and two articles, too, and time waits for no woman, no matter how important
it is for her to deep condition her hair! Still, it's a welcome relief
from the bustle to type to my Accumulators for a few moments. So, before I
start racing around again, go to sleep, get up tomorrow and do it all
again, let's review some news.
FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF DOESN'T SHE HAVE A BIRTHMARK OR SOMETHING?
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Pakistan, Afghanistan and Iran, already famous for the dignified
rationality of their leaders, have been duking it out over who owns a 2,600
year old mummified Persian princess. It would never occur to any of these
guys that people are not possessions, even if they are so wrinkled that
Elizabeth Arden wouldn't even take on the challenge. Now we hear that the
current issue of Archaeology Magazine reports that Ms I Am A Royal Even
After I'm Gone is a fake. It seems the poor pruney princess was seized by
Pakistani police as part of a murder investigation (not hers, although that
would be hilarious). One Oscar White Muscarella, of NYC's Metropolitan
Museum of Art, happened to be visiting the magazine's offices one day
(probably just checking in to see if there was anything old and interesting
lying around), when the editors, who must have been desperate to fill up
some pages, asked his opinion about the object of all that Mideast
affection. He replied that the description of the mummy sounded very
similar to some photos of a mummy, also encased in gold, sent to him last
March (sort of your ancient pin ups, as it were), by someone acting on
behalf of a mysterious Pakistani dealer. Of course, the photos were of the
same Stuffed Tomato who was causing all that international trouble. Mr.
Muscarella says he had decided the mummy in the photos was a fake because
the inscription on the gold breastplate was a modern forgery, probably no
older than 70 years of age. One has to point something out here: maybe the
breastplate is a fake, and the mummy is real. Since the breastplate was
made of gold, and the mummy is made of - I don't want to think about that -
maybe someone just stole the breastplate and replaced it with a fake.
Otherwise, we'd be dealing with someone who was a modern day expert at long
lost ancient mummification techniques, now wouldn't we? As for the
over-the-hill sultry sultana - who said fame is fleeting? If you can
possibly stand to read more about this story, you'll find it at
www.archaeology.org.
BEATING THEM TO THE PUNCHCARD DEPARTMENT
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If you're sick of hearing about chads, pregnant chads, and hanging chads,
perhaps you'd like to hear about some related folly. The County of Palm
Beach, Florida, determined to make a buck off their fifteen minutes of
fame, has been considering putting their Votomatic machines up on eBay and
using the proceeds to help defray the cost of a new optical scanning voting
system (completely idiot-proof, which is exactly what they need). Well,
St. Croix County, Wisconsin got there first. They put 20 of their Votomatic
machines, including presidential ballots, up for auction on
Liquidation.com. Minimum bid is $300, or $1,700 less than they say the
machines are worth. Palm Beach County, undaunted, has announced they paid
only $188 each for their machines in the 1970s, and an additional $100 each
for booths to go with them, and that they have more than 5,000 for sale.
Now, we should all think about why anyone would want one of these.
AHA! I KNEW IT!
***************
I've long been suspicious that employees of shipping carriers drop-kick my
packages for sport. Now comes a report from KSTP-TV of Minneapolis-St.
Paul, who managed to videotape Northwest Airlines employees doing just that
to USPS packages and letters. Well, not drop-kicking, but, they were
playing basketball with them. A Northwest spokesman made a lengthy
response to the media regarding the incident and, not surprisingly, said
absolutely nothing.
Well, gee, Accumulators, this was a welcome break. Artie and I will be
joining some friends on Christmas Eve, for a celebratory dinner honoring
the birthday of our friend Phil Rossetto's mom, Marguerite Rossetto; and on
Christmas Day for Christmas dinner at the home of Archie, Chase, Eddy,
Mickey, and Shadow Ferguson. We will then be rolling ourselves into the
car for a visit to Lake Champlain, which I hope has no food anywhere near
it, with our dear friends the Fergusons. Somewhere in there (Sunday
afternoon, actually) is a little Chanukah celebration with the family. I
hope this holiday season brings you joy and delight, and that the coming
year brings you good health, prosperity, and much happiness. Have a great
week, Accumulators. Happy hunting!
Best,
Judith
© 2000 Judith Katz-Schwartz. All rights reserved.
Antiques and Collectibles Newsletter #136
U.S. Library of Congress
ISSN 1520-4464
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Your comments, as always, are welcome. If you have something to say, write to me.
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